JOKES +(updated weekly)

FOR FRIDAY October 17, 2014

 

Good Friday Morning,

My Jukebox this week Halloween week 3

http://jhurray.com/mp3/jukebox.htm

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Funny Graphics for this week

http://jhurray.com/HTML/PictureBonus.htm

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Halloween Videos Part 1

The Little Blue man by Betty Johnson

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAbU6-Yuuy0

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Thanks Mark

10 Awesome Vinegar Life Hacks you should know

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCgIdfuQAD4

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Water Trick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ctaA2mERzI

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The Big Wheel

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LR41I8HQt48

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Thanks You Make Me Laugh

Hearing Aid

While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt.

"How does that help your hearing?" I asked.

"Don't help my hearing none," he replied. "Makes people talk louder."

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Hush-A-Bye Buddy

(Modified from Rock-A-Bye Baby)

Hush-A-Bye Buddy

In our guest room

It's been three weeks now --

Are you leaving us soon?

We'll all miss your snoring

And carrying on,

But please--

Won't you go back

To Boca Raton?

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Thanks Good Clean Funnies

Farmer in the Big City A farmer went to a big city to see the sights. He asked the hotel's clerk about the times of meals.

"Breakfast is served from 7 to 11, dinner from 12 to 3, and supper from 6 to 8," explained the clerk.

"Look here," inquired the farmer in surprise, "when am I going to get time to see the city?"

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Mom's Clarinet

My dad bought my mom a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, I asked how she was doing with it.

"Oh," said my dad, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet."

"How come?" I asked.

"Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing."

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Paint Store

After an hour of "Just a little more white, two squirts of blue, a dash of black, perhaps a tad more white," the paint- store clerk got my gallon to the exact shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on.

"Now what do I do if I need more paint?" I asked.

"Don't come back here," he begged.

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Thanks Jack

Keep it simple?

Daughter:

"Daddy, I am coming home to get married. Take out your checkbook. Dad,

I'm in love with a boy who is far away from me. I am in Australia and he lives in the UK .

We met on a dating website, became friends on Facebook, had long chats on Whatsapp, he proposed to me on Skype and now we've had two months of relationship through Viber.

Dad, I need your blessings good wishes and a big wedding."

Father:

"Wow! Really! Then get married on Twitter, have fun on Tango, buy your kids on Amazon and pay through Paypal.

And if you are fed up with your husband sell him on EBay".

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Thanks Thomas Ellsworth

Senior Wedding

The pastor of a local church was called to the nursing home to perform a wedding. An anxious old man met him at the door. The pastor sat down to counsel the man.

The pastor asked, "Do you love her?"

The old man replied, "I guess."

"Is she a good woman?"

"I don't know for sure."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"I doubt it."

"Then why are you marrying her?"

"She's allowed to drive at night."

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Thanks You Make Me Laugh

Lumberjack

A man comes up to the owner of a lumberjack business and says, "I need a job and I think I'm pretty good."

The owner replied, "Okay, show me what you can do, chop down that redwood over there." The man said okay and left. Five minutes later he came back and was done.

The owner was shocked and asked, "How did you chop that tree down so fast?"

The man said, "I got a lot of practice in the Sahara."

The owner replied, "You mean the Sahara desert?"

"Yes" he said, "or at least that's what they call it now."

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