JOKES +(updated weekly)

FOR FRIDAY April 18, 2014

 

Good Friday Morning,

I can’t believe this! I found a Video with the history of "Krispy Kritter". Below is my web site of pictures I took. - Jim

http://jhurray.com/HTML/JetCar.htm

The Video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2v_5fuSck0

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This week Funny Graphics

http://jhurray.com/HTML/PictureBonus.htm

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On my Jukebox this week some more good Oldies

http://jhurray.com/mp3/jukebox.htm

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Thanks Mark

Magic Clerk

http://biggeekdad.com/2014/03/magic-clerk-lottery-winner/

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Stand By Me (all around the World) Classic!

http://biggeekdad.com/2009/10/stand-by-me/

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Thanks Good Clean Funnies

Tax Humor

What's the difference between a tax collector and a taxidermist?

The taxidermist leaves the hide!

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What Kind Of Pie?

One outraged college student stomped up to the lunch line at the cafeteria, holding a plate with a piece of pie on it." This is disgusting!" he exclaimed. "What kind of pie do you call this?"

The lunch lady calmly put down her ladle, looked him in the eye and snarled, "And just what does it taste like?"

"It tastes like cardboard and rubber cement!" the student cried.

Lunch Lady thinks a moment, then replies, "That must be the apple. The cherry pie tastes like stale crackers and soap."

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Thanks Thomas Ellsworth

A Stable?

When my kids were little, I read them the nativity story out of the big family Bible.

When my son was old enough to talk, he asked me what a stable was.

I thought for a moment how to explain it to him in terms he could understand, then told him, "It's something like your sister's room -- but no stereo or computer."

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Camping Inconveniences

The members of my wife's bridge club were exchanging stories of their days camping with their families in the 1950's. Each related how they remembered the primitive conditions ... gathering wood, pumping well water and carrying it to the campsite, using an outhouse, and so forth.

Finally one woman asked my wife, who was raised in rural Montana, if she had ever done any camping.

"Oh, no, we didn't bother," she replied. "We had all those inconveniences at home."

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Thanks Babe

I'm a huge fan of Bill Cosby's old show: "Kids say the darndest things". Because nothing can beat the innocence and inexperience of a child when it comes to funny lines. They sometimes say things that adult comedians would just never think of saying, and it's all the more hilarious for it!

"Close the curtains," requested our 2 year old granddaughter, sitting in a pool of bright light. "The sun's looking at me too hard."

My friend asked our grandson when he would turn 6. He replied, "When I'm tired of being 5."

Seeing her first hailstorm, Mary Sue, age 3, exclaimed, "Mommy, it's raining dumplings!"

As I frantically waved away a pesky fly with a white dishtowel, my granddaughter observed, "Maybe he thinks you're surrendering."

A friend's grandson, 4, was reading with his granddad about Adam and Eve. He asked, "Is this where God took out the man's brain and made a woman?"

Announcing to daughter Lori that her aunt just had a baby and it looked like her uncle, she said, "You mean he has a mustache?"

When I asked our grandson if he could name the capital of Florida, he fired right back, "Capital F!"

While shampooing our son, 4, I noted his hair was growing so fast he'd soon need it cut. He replied, "Maybe we shouldn't water it so much."

My daughter told her 5-year-old that their van was going to be fixed. Instantly, the small fry assumed, "Oh, it's going to the tire-o-practor?"

Impressed by her 5-year-old's vocabulary, my friend complimented the young scholar, who nonchalantly responded, " I have words in my head I haven't even used yet."

His Mom informed her son, Brian, that she was going outside to get a little sun. "But Mommy, he gulped, "You already have a son. Me!"

When our son asked about two look-alike classmates at school, we told him they were probably twins. The next day, he came home from school all bubbly and said, "Guess what! They are not only twins.... they’re brothers!!"

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Thanks Steve Just For Grins

Now it's my Turn!

Arthur just received his brand new driver?s license. The family went out to the driveway, then climbed into the car, where Arthur was going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," dad replied, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

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The Big Catch

Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently after fighting it for three hours.

Bill interrupted the story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish. You're lucky if it weighed 10 pounds!"

Doug replied, "Well, a fish can lose an awful lot of weight during three hours of fighting."

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The Moonwalk

My niece's class assignment was to interview a senior citizen about his or her life, so she asked me, "What was the biggest historical event that happened during your childhood?"

"I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied.

She looked disappointed. "That dance was that important to you?"

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Thanks Good Clean Funnies

Free Will A young couple came into the church office to fill out a pre-marriage questionnaire form. The young man, who had never talked to a pastor before, was quite nervous and the pastor tried to put him at ease.

When they came to the question, "Are you entering this marriage of your own free will?" there was a long pause. Finally, the girl looked over at the apprehensive young man and said, "Put down yes!"

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