JOKES +(updated weekly)

FOR FRIDAY September 19, 2014


Good Friday Morning,

This week my Jukebox some more Random Oldies

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This Weeks Funny Graphics

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Thanks Santa Bill

Hurdy Gurdy - English Heritage

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Thanks Thomas Ellsworth

Explanation of Instructions

What it says: "Batteries not included"

What it means: "Batteries do not come with this product, and you're going to have to buy them yourself. Moreover, it uses unique batteries that you won't find anywhere but a specialty store, where you'll pay twice as much for them."


What it says: "Some restrictions apply"

What it means: "Somehow, some way, we'll find a way to exclude you."


What it says: "May cause drowsiness"

What it means: "Expect a sudden bout with narcolepsy while you're driving to work."


What it says: "Some assembly required"

What it means: "Take the day off and borrow your neighbor's

2,000-piece tool kit. Don't make any other plans for the day."

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A married couple was vacationing in Yosemite. The wife expressed her concern about camping because of bears and said she would feel more comfortable in the hotel. The husband said that he'd like to camp.

To calm her concerns, he suggested they talk to the park ranger to see what the likelihood of a bear encounter would be.

The ranger told them, "Well, we haven't seen any grizzlies in this area so far this year, or black bears, for that matter.

"The wife shrieked, "There are TWO types of bears out here? How can you tell the difference? Which one is more dangerous?"

The ranger replied, "Well, that's easy -- see, if the bear chases you up a tree and it comes up after you, it's a Black Bear. If it shakes the tree until you fall out, it's a Grizzly."

The hotel room was quite nice.

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Thanks Steve Just For Grins

Public Speaking

We were discussing the "don'ts" of public speaking in the PR class I teach.

"Don'ts" include a man reaching into his pants pocket and jangling change as he speaks, which is very distracting.

To illustrate my point, I asked for a student volunteer, saying, "I need a man with coins in his pocket."

What I got instead was a girl yelling out, "Honey, so do I!"

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What's Coming Next?

I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog.

A neighbor, an old Florida fellow, was leaning on the fence watching my progress and asked, "What the heck's that for?"

I explained, "It's a sundial. See, the sun will hit that small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow also moves across the calibrated dial, enabling a person to determine the correct time."

My neighbor shook his head and muttered, "Huh, what will they think of next?"

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Thanks Today I Found Out

Part 1

Why Golfers Yell "Fore" and Other Interesting Golf Facts There is a long-standing belief that golf was invented by the Scottish, sometime in the 14th or 15th centuries.

This maybe false, at least according to Chinese professors and the Hong Kong Heritage Museum. In 2006, evidence was presented that the game may have originated from the ancient Chinese game "Chuiwan" – loosely translated to "hitting ball."

Two paintings, one dating back to the Yuan Dynasty (1271-1368), show figures playing some sort of ball and stick game that looks like today’s game of golf.

While the Scottish and the French dispute that the current game of golf came from the Far East, it is pretty clear that today’s modern game is a composite of ball and stick games played across the world hundreds, if not thousands, of years ago.

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Why do golfers yell "fore?"

It is generally agreed that "fore" is short hand for the word "before" or "afore," which was an old Scottish saying essentially meaning "look out ahead," according to the United States Golf Association.

There are several theories to how it became associated with golf. In 1824, The Rules of the Thistle Golf Club recounts a conversation where it was expressed that one of the speakers had performed the duty of "fore-cady" for the Duke of York back in 1681, "Dickson was then performing the duty of what is now commonly called a fore-cady."

The job of (now-spelled) forecaddie still exists today. Their role is to locate and determine the placement of the ball, to ensure there is no cheating. They are usually employed during tournament play when the stakes are the highest. These caddies used to be employed more frequently in the 18th century for fear the golf ball (a more expensive item back then) would be lost. The golfers would yell "fore" at the fore-caddies to let them know the ball was coming and to get ready to be on the look out.

Another theory stems from military usage, when soldiers and those at a higher points would yell at those on the front line below "fore," as a warning to duck from oncoming musket shots. While this was a term used in battle, there is disagreement which came first – the military using a golf term or golfers using a military term.

Why are there 18 holes on a regulation golf course?

The Royal and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews in Scotland was founded in 1754 and it was , as it remains to this day, one the most prestigious golf clubs in the world. Golfers had been playing on this particular parcel of land as early as the 15th century on a course dictated by the topography. In other words, they placed holes all the way to where they could play no more, where land meets water at the St. Andrews Bay. The course that emerged was eleven holes. So, when they finished the first time through, they would turn around and play the eleven again, making it a total of 22 holes.

On October 4, 1764, this letter was written by four-time captain of the St. Andrews golf course, William St. Clair of Roslin:

"St. Andrews, 4th October 1764.

The Captain and Gentlemen Golfers present are of opinion that it would be for the improvement of the Links that the four first holes should be converted into two, – They therefore have agreed that for the future they shall be played as two holes, in the same way as presently marked out.


Thus, St. Clair and others in charge of the course determined that there were four holes that were too short, probably originally done this way to fit the holes onto the land. So, they combined them into two holes, making each round now nine holes instead of eleven and bringing the total to 18 holes for a game.

As St. Andrews grew in influence, other self-respecting golf courses made the change to 18 holes. It was an unofficial regulation for the next 200 years, until the 1950s when it became a "stipulated regulation" that a course had to be 18 holes for tournament play.

Where does the term "bogey" come from?

According to the United States Golfing Association, the term comes from a song from the 1890s popular in the British Isles, entitled "The Bogey Man." Yes, this is a reference to the horror movie staple the Bogey Man. The character in the song is described as elusive with the lyrics, "I’m the Bogey Man, catch me if you can."

Since golfers were always in pursuit of the "elusive" perfect score, they began to refer to the amount of strokes that should be expected on a particular hole as a "bogey." We now know this to be "par" and a "bogey" is one stroke over par. In fact, an early golfing rules book has a section dedicated to the rules of "Bogey competitions" – or otherwise known as stroke play tournaments.

"Bogey" became known as one over an ideal score around the early 20th century due to tightening of "perfect scores" on course. The ubiquity of the usage made sure the term didn’t go away, now becoming a reference to a "near perfect score."

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