JOKES +(updated weekly)

FOR FRIDAY October 24, 2014

 

Good Friday Morning,

Week 4 of my Halloween Jukebox

http://jhurray.com/mp3/jukebox.htm

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This weeks Funny Graphics

http://jhurray.com/HTML/PictureBonus.htm

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Thanks Mark

"The Green Ruby Pumpkin"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AndFWrZT43g

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Mean Kitty

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qit3ALTelOo

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Halloween Videos this week Part 1

Bill Lee Riley- Flying saucers rock n roll

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLWJPrQstGs

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Billy DeMarco & Count Dracula - Drac's Back

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzllBdl5q6U

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The Billy Strange Orchestra & The Munster's theme

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQdpG-eseD0

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Adams Family Theme

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-3CH0tN515M

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Thanks Steve Just For Grins

The Mink

Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question.

"Will you marry me, darling?" he asked.

Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink."

Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, but on one condition."

"What's that?" Lisa asked.

"You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.

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Computer Password

A new employee calls the help desk to complain that there's something wrong with her password.

"The problem is that whenever I type the password, it just shows stars," she says.

"Those asterisks are there to protect you," the help desk technician explains. "So, if someone were standing behind you, they wouldn't be able to read your password."

"Yeah," she says, "but they show up even when there isn't anyone standing behind me."

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Thanks Thomas Ellsworth

Freeway Gridlock

My cell phone quit as I tried to let my wife know that I was caught in freeway gridlock and would be late for our anniversary dinner.

I wrote a message on my laptop asking other motorists to call her, printed it on a portable inkjet and taped it to my rear windshield.

When I finally arrived home, my wife gave me the biggest kiss ever. "I really think you love me," she said. "At least 70 people called and told me so."

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Translation

A company was doing an English-language movie where, at one point, an exhausted messenger was supposed to dash in, collapses, and gasp out a vital message in Swahili.

They even found someone who knew the language, and the scene worked beautifully in the movie -- until it played in an African town where Swahili was well known. A moment of high drama nose-dived into comedy as the panting messenger gasped out:

"I don't think I am being paid enough for this part!"

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Thanks Babe

A Dimbulb man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. "Here boy!" he replies.

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Thanks You Make Me Laugh

Murphy's Laws for Parents

1. The tennis shoes you must replace today will go on sale next week.

2. Leakproof thermoses -- will.

3. The chances of a piece of bread falling with the grape jelly side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

4. The garbage truck will be two doors past your house when the argument over whose day it is to take out the trash ends.

5. The shirt your child must wear today will be the only one that needs to be washed or mended.

6. Gym clothes left at school in lockers mildew at a faster rate than other clothing.

7. The item your child lost, and must have for school within the next ten seconds, will be found in the last place you look.

8. Sick children recover miraculously when the pediatrician enters the treatment room.

9. Refrigerated items, used daily, will gravitate toward the back of the refrigerator.

10. Your chances of being seen by someone you know dramatically increase if you drive your child to school in your robe and curlers

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Thanks Good Clean Funnies

Concert Program

When my youngest daughter was three, she begged to be allowed to attend a concert with her older sister and brother. She assured me she was a big girl and would behave herself.

As we took our seats in the orchestra hall, I handed programs to the kids. Following the lead of her older siblings, my three-year-old opened her program, and in her most grown-up voice said, "Mommy, I'll have the chicken, please..."

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