JOKES +(updated weekly)

FOR FRIDAY July 18, 2014

 

Good Friday Morning,

My Jukebox this week Classic Oldies Part 3

http://jhurray.com/mp3/jukebox.htm

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Funny Graphics for this Week

http://jhurray.com/HTML/PictureBonus.htm

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Thanks Mark

Seven Kittens Dance Kittens born April 10, 2014

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zr39jPapmBU

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Fishing without a rod

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x3Bf0WhvsNk

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Thanks Jack *****STAR!!!

This set of 100 quick movie clips in 10 minutes is pretty cool. Some of the "Best and Most Memorable Lines Ever."

http://www.youtube.com/embed/594Oxq4c0XA?feature=player_embedded%20

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The 10 FREAKIEST Coincidences in History

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c8gXDOpTff8

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Thanks Thomas Ellsworth

Umbrella

The counselor was helping the kids put their stuff away on the first day of summer camp. He was surprised to see that one of the youngsters had an umbrella. The counselor asked him, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?"

The kid answered, "Didn't you ever have a mother?"

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Pain Scale

When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty.

"On a scale of zero to ten," I asked her, "with zero representing no pain and ten representing excruciating pain, what would you say your pain level is now?"

She shook her head. "Oh, I don't know. I'm not good with math."

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Thanks Good Clean Funnies

"Open wider," requested the dentist, as he began his examination of the patient.

"Good grief!" he said, startled. "You've got the biggest cavity I've ever seen -- the biggest cavity I've ever seen."

"OK, doc!" replied the patient. "I'm scared enough without you saying something like that twice."

"I didn't!" said the dentist. "That was the echo."

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Thanks Steve Just for Grins

Waiting For Years

We had built our dream house some years ago, and furnished it with quality pieces as we could afford them. Now the delivery truck carrying the last purchase, a new bedroom suite, was pulling into the driveway.

"Finally!" I exclaimed, flinging open the front door as the driver walked up to the house. "I've been waiting twelve years for this!"

"Don't blame me, lady," he said. "I just got the order this morning."

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Thanks Good Clean Funnies

Blessed Part 1

** Blessed are the candy-makers, for they shalt make a mint.

** Blessed are they who process lettuce, for they shalt see the tip of the iceberg.

** Blessed are they who own horses, for they shalt have stability.

** Blessed are they who play tennis, for love means nothing to them.

** Blessed are they that wrap leftovers, for they shalt be foiled again.

** Blessed are the fishermen, for they shalt have net income.

** Blessed are the musicians, for they shalt be noteworthy.

** Blessed are those who are tailors, for they shalt be suited for it.

** Blessed are those who drink orange juice, for they shalt be able to concentrate.

** Blessed is he who attends church at more than one denomination, for he shalt be bi-sectual.

** Blessed is he who stops smoking, for he shalt be a quitter.

** Blessed is he who has a word processor, for his words shalt be minced.

** Blessed are those who watch the stars, for their work shalt be astronomical.

** Blessed are those who make perfect bread, for they shalt be a good roll model.

** Blessed are they who make it through April, for they shalt be in dismay.

** Blessed is he who plows in a straight furrow, for he shall be in a rut.

** Blessed are they who give hugs; for they are truly appreciated (more than they'll ever know).

** Blessed are they who have cellular phones, for they shalt receive the call wherever they are.

** Blessed are those who turn off their cellular phones, for they shall have peace.

** Blessed are those who refrain from alcohol, for they shall remain sober.

** Blessed are those who laugh often, for they shalt have strong funnybones.

** Blessed are those who speak as lawyers, for they shalt be brief.

** Blessed are those who meet their mate on the internet, for it shall be love at first site.

** Blessed are the piemakers, for they shall generate fellowship. They are also the "Upper Crust." They Have a Lot of Crust!

** Blessed are those who attend church regularly, for they shall be pewed.

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