JOKES +(updated weekly)

FOR FRIDAY December 26, 2014

 

Good Friday Morning,

My Jukebox this week Traditional Christmas Songs

http://jhurray.com/mp3/jukebox.htm

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Funny Graphics Me and our Cats

http://jhurray.com/HTML/PictureBonus.htm

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Thanks Mark

Techno Christmas Lights

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DXr_G92HU6Q

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Thanks Thomas Ellsworth

Driving Test

I failed my driver's test.

The examiner asked me, "What do you do at a red light?"

I said, "I don't know, look around, listen to the radio."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Christmas Tree

At first sight we knew it was the perfect Christmas tree. Tall and full, with no bare spots. Even our grown children were impressed.

"Wow," said my son. "If you didn't know it was real, it could easily pass as artificial."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Thanks Good Clean Funnies

I'm Tired!

Christmas was finally over and the pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy, am I ever tired."

Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night and three today, and I gave a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?"

"Dear," she replied, "I had to listen to all of them."

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Important Electrical Lesson

Here is a simple experiment that will teach you an important electrical lesson: On a cool, dry day, scuff your feet along a carpet, then reach your hand into a friend's mouth and touch one of his dental fillings.

Did you notice how your friend twitched violently and cried out in pain? This teaches us that electricity can be a very powerful force, but we must never use it to hurt others unless we need to learn an important electrical lesson.

It also teaches us how an electrical circuit works. When you scuffed your feet, you picked up batches of "electrons," which are very small objects that carpet manufacturers weave into carpets so they will attract dirt.

The electrons travel through your bloodstream and collect in your finger, where they form a spark that leaps to your friend's filling, then travels down to his feet and back into the carpet, thus completing the circuit.

Amazing Electronic Fact: If you scuffed your feet long enough without touching anything, you would build up so many electrons that your finger would explode! But this is nothing to worry about unless you have carpeting.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Thanks Steve Just For Grins

Right Answer

My friend reviewed her young sonís fill-in-the-blank homework.

One line: At Christmas, we exchange gifts with ____?

His response: Receipts.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Riddles

Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elf-abet!

Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missile toe!

Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite.

Q: Where do polar bears vote? A: The North Poll.

Q: What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus? A: Crisp Cringle.

Q: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? A: Claustrophobic.

Q: If Santa rode a motorcycle, what kind would it be? A: A Holly Davidson.

Q: What did the grape say to the raisin? A: 'Tis the season to be jelly.

Q: What do you call a bunch of grandmasters of chess bragging about their games in a hotel lobby? A: Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Shopping With Dad

I remember accompanying my father out shopping in the toy department of Macys one Christmas Eve.

Dad said, what a marvelous train set. I'll buy it.

The girl behind the counter looked pleased and murmured, Great, I'm sure your son will really love it.

Dad replied with a glint in his eye, maybe you're right. In that case I'll take two.

Click To Please send me your short clean Jokes  -   RETURN TO JOKES+ MENU 

Welcome Visitor